addiction

i have just spent the last five days consecutively with someone.
she literally picked me up from the airport after arriving in from paris, did not leave my side until friday, then came back to stay with me last night. tonight, much to both of our frustration, we are unable to see eachother.

i tell myself that i am stocking up in order to get my fill for when im in finals, more importantly when i begin studying for finals this week...but im afraid im just adding to my addiction.

like, instead of slowly weening myself off of her, im inhaling as much as i can in anticipation of not seeing her.
i dont think this is a good theory.

i dont think it is simply because it is the typical lesbo set up...
you meet, you soon realize that you want to spend all of your time together, and then you do...spend ALL of your time together.

this is where we loose the individuality that we eventually crave after being stuck in a relationship for too long. its not that you've been in a relationship, its that you gave up too much of yourself, too much of your independence.

so anywyas, im trying really hard to not give up too much of that in this situaiton.
problem is, im really bad at controlling my addictions. and i feel that right now, im generally addicted.
it is in all areas of my life...the weed, the drink, the smoke, the girl, the late nights, and most importantly, the loss of respect for my time.

i feel like im on a perpetual vacation where i can do whatever i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want.

i guess my only consultation is that i am having a fucking fantastic time right now and find myself to be increasingly happy. i wake up excited to see where the day will take me, anxious for the many adventures that seem to find my way.

i havent even begun to describe paris or amsterdam or my time with my most favoritest person in the whole world...

i'll do that soon enough, just know that amsterdam was rushed but unforgettable. paris was the shit. the shopping, the people, the laughing, the memories...

i have to recognize that i have so many beautiful memories in my life that i will always have a bank from which to withdraw smiles. i've had a pretty good run thus far and the future is looking brighter than ever.