calm

so i am trying to understand my feelings at this moment since i have never found myself in such a situation.
i am extremely aware of my physical presence, my breaths, the tiny hairs on my arms.
and my head has been surrounded with a numbing haze. like the strange wavy glare on heated pavement.
eyes diverting mirages and visages
do i cry?
what was that sudden overwhelming flood that nearly knocked me off of my feet when the words were spoken.
do i feel lonely? as if some remote part of me has escaped, or been set free.
i feel oddly detached, as if watching from afar another story, another life not my own.
and this is nature. or at least thats what they say.
i sense a different association hidden deep in crevices i thought not to exist.
like a realization, a glimpse of what we crave to know.
as though truth had been given to me in its clearest form for that instant
that moment when i knew not what to do
how to stand
what words to speak
where to put my eyes.
and now i feel calm,
like i know the answer to the big test we are all about to take.

morris fried 12.01.04