dating

a strange concept that comes with way too much baggage.
baggage, where they store your shit on a train.
a train going where,
who knows.
a train of thought lost in communication between what is and what should be, or what they told you it should be.
and now i wonder, a date?
ya i think so
dating?
certainly not a judgment call i can feel comfortable leaping to.
and nor can my participant.
leaping to the "dating" game would really hurt my chances with chuck woolery.
i mean really, why discuss such trivial issues.
enjoy these moments, the ones you can.
and who am i really
am i so incredibly distant that i am recognizable as those things that i once thought i was, but as of now i am not so sure.

and i miss london.
the thames river.
the people, the mood of the streets,
as though they are so old, been through so much,
so much change, such revision, decision, recision.
and now here i am.

and what do i want to do? she forced me to ask myself.
well shit.
if i go with my heart im afraid i'll forever view myself as a failure in other aspects.
if i go with my logic im afraid i'll be forever depressed upon what could have been if i would have gone with my heart.

but i guess a satisfied, humbled person waking every morning to the glory of creativity and the permission to move in exactly the way driven by the soul is happier both internally and eternally than

a lonely, unloved, desolate, wealthy, successful person who has nothing in the world save some wothless wordly posessions and some distant relatives.

and these are the questions.

what is your life, what leads you? what drives you to create, to meet people, to venture out into new york city with the crazy adventures following you into every creepy crevice and every straight-bar bathroom.

and what will happen when you come home. when there is no one there but you.
and yourself.
as if you hadnt seen eachother in years and couldnt quite think of the appropriate thing to say.
the silence in uncomfortable, almost unbearable

but you continue to think,
silence.
and i wonder what you are thinking...