the lights

temperamental
like the weather in new york in december.
the bare tree limbs permitting vague glimpses of the stars.
they are always there, she said.
but i never see them
and i never see you.
i cant even rely on you coming home for the holidays.
not a relative, not a friend.
a distant, disconnected part of me.
so far away yet within everything that i do.
and sometimes i yearn for you to no avail
sometimes i look for you but always fail.
you creep in at uncomfortable times
you are uncomfortable,
like a mirror after you've been crying for hours.
you remind, you are the ghost of christmas past
cuz im a jew.
and after seeing you
i feel the need to renew all that i do
and how i see things
what i want to be type things
but the revelation it brings
draws me back in time
back in my mind, off my track, down that path
the one they said not to take, the one they warned you of
and i've been listening to them
and not to you.
i am sorry.
sorry for not seeing you, meeting with you, seeking you, being with you
and i hurt.
i hurt for the years we've missed, the moments passed, the sculpting progressed.
development disabled in your absence.
but some how ive managed to go on.
unaware what it would be like with you in me, aware that you are me.
somehow its been easier to divide us, pretend we are not us.
and i want you back.
i feel the pull, the draw, the resistance is minimal
so why not jump now
why not let you back.
come while the doors are open
before the sphinx's open their eyes, you must run across
have faith in your heart
now is the time that we can come together.
i've been unknowingly waiting.