verge

on the verge of another direction
like a bend in the road i recognize and anticipate with the positioning of my hands on the steering wheel.

and i cant sleep.
i cant decide whether to blame it on california time
or staying up with you until 5.30 am on thursday night.

and last night our conversation was insightful.

i find myself at this place
in this space
of calm and collect

and i am excited for what is next. anxious for tomorrow
its funny because i had been struggling these recent months.
i had been blindly trying to find something, and though i have not quite discovered what it is i am searching for, i recognize that the lights have been turned on and i can see where i am looking, what i am touching, no longer fumbling
but i am learning to sit with my dilemas
and avoid future problemas
by taking each moment with appreciation.
there is no need for anticipation.

in our many conversations and late nights spent sharing thoughts and touch
i have learned from you.
for it is not that after one such night i can expect that it will happen again so soon, or even at all
but...
i've rid the anxiety.
it has caused me to appreciate the times that i am able to spend with you.
it has made our interactions invaluable.

and i can recognize the growth as i look back on when i would become frustrated with our interactions, concerned with future reactions.
and i feel the age you have brought to me,
but not like that.
the age you have allowed me to observe within me.

i might have been concerned that i was giving you too much credit...in the past. but that was just it, the past. i honestly feel and will convey to you that, along with my internal journey, my connections with you have enabled me to see.
and to see clearer than i had been.

so enough flattering for one evening, i will end this by simply stating thank you.
thank you for being the intricate person that has aroused my intrigue.

and i appreciate your mantra this week and might adopt it myself for tomorrow as i face the struggles of a new direction.