on this tues.day

tacos.
frowns.
potential rain.
hoody.flip flops.

lately i feel something in the air. im leaving, she said with a frown and a taco, im off to bigger and wider open spaces without traces of these places to deface the race im in, to reach the goal ive been given, while fumbling thru the state im in of state of statutory stateness, with no purpose, no driven, no given, no living.
potential rain as the flip flops soak with the disease saturated fluids sputtering up with each unwanted step.
but not today.
today the air is crisp with hoodies covering revealing body parts that only i know are there. the air is thin with slight wasps of breathe entering through a thoroughtly congested nose. and momentary flashes of her lips, her hips, all transforming this cold office desk into the bed i know so well, its length, position of headboard easily within reach while we ride. while we sail. with the click click of my fingers as they tap tap tap at the machine. the presence of dilusion in my system. diluting the sickness, the weakness, destroying the clog that interrupts my void i find quite comforting.
the film strip plays again and again. in her head. on my bed. a book i read somewhere once said that whats said between lovers while lying in bed first starts in the head then reaches the tireless endless roads they tread keeping up with the jones's yet keeping her fed all the while off in a distance the soft subtle sounds of pleasure forging ahead to make way for the misery that came when she bled.
and of her i've shed.

for now simplicity remains and the remains of this corpse are one in which the fluids in the body have beed extracted, replaced by silicone polymer, and exacted in such a direction in which to inspire new paths, new wraths, and a vastness with trepidation and unbearable excitement.
so long, hello.
these last in my reveries as i cruise, as i am cruising.

let the sun

change your voicemail.

days away from these hazy ways. stepping out of my norm only to return to upheaval and rush.
snorting aloe and sleeping on planes. these are the days i am given. the next few will be even more disheveled with such promise at the end.
travels, like gulliver.
sleepless like sam.
busy like the bee that i was once dubbed yet now stretch to maintain the wow i once posessed. these next few days will be trying, trying, trying hard to keep my eyes open as the last day approaches.

sometimes it just is

funny.
 
my life that is...fucking sad really, but in the end all you can do is laugh.
 
so getting robbed out of my own house is bad, right?  i mean that is pretty shitty.  but, in order to really stand out, to reach the tippity top of bullshit that just really shouldnt happen to one person in ONE MONTH, my sorry ass got stolen from, again. 
 
ok, so maybe you're thinking...what an idiot, she must be real dumb, unaware, easy prey, whatever...at this point i can only blame it on bad luck.  which is unusual because my experiences have usually been blessed with plenty of good luck...i guess its just my turn.
 
the first situation...the one where i was robbed out of my own damn house...that was silly on my part for not having the proper protection on my door, not having apartment insurance, not having the sense to realize that one day while living in new york i would get robbed. 
the second, on the other hand, was entirely a matter of coincidence, circumstance, and just plain bad luck.
 
while at a relatively scarcely filled bar saying goodbye to a good friend who is off to california tomorrow, my brand new $400 digital camera was stolen out of toni-marie's bag along with her cell phone.  the bag was hanging on a chair along with many other bags surrounded by myself and my friends.  i am not sure when the theft occured, but i do believe that ours where the only items stolen. 
 
i may be lucky since i did get renters insurance the day after i was robbed, but i am not sure if i will be covered in this situation. 
 
basically this sucks.
again.

dont i do this every wednesday?

ok, so hung over, on 3 hours of sleep.
do this way too often.

the day began with a discussion about those yellow rubber-band bracelet things that i've seen soooooooooooooooo many people wearing about town, in the papers, all over. i recall inquiring about such a bracelet last night at the break night at snapshot (a HUGE success i might add). so i remember asking this dude what it was and why everyone had one...but in my silly inebriation i forgot his response. i was quickly reminded this morning when i was dizzily flipping through the post looking at the "tempo" section where this actress was wearing THE BRACELET. hence the conversation that led to such things as rainbowflage...camouflage in rainbow colors (a nice art project that kept me busy all day).

so i concluded that this new yellow bracelet has replaced the red kabbalah string as the limited edition fashion trend that sweeps the likes of hollywood socialites, celebrities, and new york hopefuls. the kids today are wearing them everywhere...i mean, i see them on the streets, in the bars, on the train, everywhere.

so i got one.

actually, the co-worker with whom i shared this conversation was so interested in what exactly it was that i did a small amount of research to find that these bracelets are actually worn in support of Lance Armstrong while he rides the tour de france and more importantly in support of cancer...
that being revealed, he decided to go out and get one for everyone in the office.

so now i am a victim of the limited edition fashion trend that is sweeping this nation and the society that runs it.

fashion trend or charity?

f*cking patriotism

so i was watching a special on the american indepence last night... the battles, the important people, the ideals...basically "all men are created equal" right, a fight for freedom over tyranny...
it was oddly uncanny how similar we have become to the british of the late 1700's...a f*cking tyranny.

ANYWAYS...

nasty nasty nasty
did i tell you that i killed it on sunday night at a pride party at hot spot?

well here's a pic of yours truly contemplating the next drop.


nasty @ hot spot on pride