the love fest

i've been away.
i spent my memorial day weekend at my vacation home in battery park city with the most adorable little shit of a dog and a woman i cant help but be crazy about.
the dog had a great time.
we hardly did shit other than looking into eachother's eyes and being mushy and lovey and all that. oh, and playiing with the puppy of course.
it was honestly like a vacation. there were no business phone calls, no friends urging me to go out, no problems, no alarm clocks (thats a blatent lie...the dog licking my hand at like 7.30am was quite the wake up call), and absolutely no stress.
so i feel refreshed...completely.

big thanks to the doggie's mommie..
and especially to my woman. fucking wonderful weekend.

and all my friends have high powered jobs with offices and responsibilities. and my days consist of me waking up and taking charge of my life. hustlin.
cuz i dont have a paycheck. i have the opportunity to make money, its right in my face. my job is to figure out how to get that money in my pocket. hustlin.

its nice to not have to answer to someone.
its nice to determine my own future.

*snapshot* pride party comin up really really really soon..

thanks to the kids in the photo shoot.

vacation

so i am about ready for a vacation.
the kind with no cell phones, no emails, no friends dropping by.
the kind where no one wants anything from me,
where i can hang out in my pajamas or my bikini and do whatever i please.
i need space to myself that is larger than the one-room box i've somehow begun to share extensively with someone else.
i need late mornings, early nights, sunshine, music, and calm.

i need to know that the work i've done is helping and progressing my future to where i want it to be.
i need moroccan tea.
i need my mother.

i dont need another blunt.
i dont need late night pizza from lil frankies followed by frankie showing up with late night magnolia.
i dont need the stress that follows me as if it is attached to my cell phone.

a deep breath.
thats what i need.

no es amor, es un obsession

your tears cannot induce me to defy my intuition.

but it is just that. my intuition. that keeps you on my mind and in my dreams.

apparently we are not done. apparently there is one last page to be written in our book.
our stories, ups, downs, smiles, frowns, so many turns that im not sure this book is ready to end.
are we able to write that last page?
will it be obvious if we begin to speak again, that the end is around the corner.

maybe we need that. closure.
maybe we need to have that one last conversation, or to begin conversing in order to realize that our romance has ended.

but i must understand my motivation.
so i dont know.

and we've moved on. both of us.
but there seems to be one last sring attached.

summer sunshine storms

yesterday, the sun shining hot on the pavement and the wind soothing the shaded parts of the city.
did you ever think about how the sun penetrates the buildings in the city. how only some parts of the sidewalk ever see sunshine. the avenues are lucky. they are lucky because the sun will shift from east to west affecting both sides of the street. but what about the streets. what if you are so far above houston that the sun never hits the southern part of your street. the buildings block the rays so that they only hit the north side, leaving trees and lives slighted from the sun. and what if you live in an apartment on the south side of the street with the window facing north, never to have the sun shine directly through your window. are you missing out? should you be paying less rent?

then the thunder hit.

loud, stopping everything as if to announce that the summer sunshowers have arrived. that it is now time where you will be walking along on a perfectly beautiful summer day, and then out of the blue, like a neighbor stopping by to get sugar, the thunder announces the rain that will drive you quickly into the dwellings that suffocate the streets. the cabs are filled, the trains get busier, the hot dog venders loose money.

but you know that it will soon be over and the sunshine will return momentarily. and hours later, after the sunshine has dried up the rain, you would have never even known that the rain had come.

did you happen to notice the sky last night as the thunder roared and the rain pelted?
it reminded me of the apocalypse.
as i have seen it in my dreams.

surreality

the dream sequence has taken me here. perched in my windowsil overlooking life below. calm breeze blending the beats from the inside.
im not sure i know what day it is, or quite where i've been.
i know there has been a change.
whether its the weather,
with the eager spring days pushing the sun further into the city.
the end of school,
feeling no responsibilities when i wake at noon.
the anticipation of better days and memories,
travles of this world to keep my mind free.
or maybe its just the smile and touch from that woman,
the one i like so much.

because now we're here, as we've been for days.
and the feelings grow thicker with the sun rays.
the hugs get stronger, the kisses last longer.

excitement has come with this change, the change brought on by the dream, or the dream brought on by the change.

3...2...1...almost

i am almost done with my first year of law school. like, allllllllllmmmmmmmmossssst.....
one more final to go. so i've got the next two days to prepare and get my shit together. once i am finished i will be back to my famed self running around with the crazies, drinking like its my job, and sleeping. imagine that, sleeping.

so now i need someone to help me out with my contracts.
hook it up.

newness

i think i have to move.

i cant deal with the bugs, the size, and the fucking rent. This city is ridiculous and i feel as though i have been continually raped for almost two years.

so, last night, im high with my homie. i had just rolled a beautiful j, we were in the midst of stimulating conversation, like we do. i get up to get water...and fuck. right on my wall above my brand new super duper expensive printer/copier/scanner/fax machine thingy that i bought because i felt like spending money, is a stupid stubborn mid-sized cockroach.
my immediate reaction is to scream and jump up and down. then demand that my homie kill the bug because she's there and there's no way i am going to do it if there is someone else who will. she's not so thrilled about the prospect of having to kill this thing, especially since its not her apartment. so i hand my homie the spray and watch her douse the fucker...but he doesnt die.
so, my homie, not interested in making sure it was dead, proposes that we go next door and ask my neighbor to kill it, or at least to find it. mind you we were really high at this point. we drag her over, we poke around, and find nothing. she leaves because she's writing some paper for school.
at this point im really upset because i needed to find the corpse to ease my mind before i went to bed high as fuck and paranoid. my homie was no help. whatever.

the next morning, my homie left and i got ready for school. i was about to cook myself some breakfast because i've been put on to some health shit by this girl i know (who'll i'll discuss later). just as i begin to prepare my egg whites with onions and peppers, i open the cabinet to get Pam and fuck. another one. this time i simply screamed really loudly, jumped up, and threw the Pam hard onto the stove top. i then put the food back in the fridge and bounced. i cant do this.

there was no homie to my rescue and my wifey was not around to kill the bug...cuz she's good like that.

ya, my wifey. i kinda have one. i'll tell you all about it later. cuz i have to study for my criminal law final now.

blurring

all the words are blurring together.
i dont know if im thinking about landlord tenant law or the sale of property or the estate system or adverse possession. i do know that i cannot see straight and i am getting progressively more confused as i attempt to make sense when i have no sense.
i think the world is moving around me, i can feel it slowly rocking me to sleep.
i feel the weight of last night on my eyelids...pushing, coaxing, teasing them to close.
my brain feels like applesauce. every know and again a chunk with substance is recognized, but then gets filtered through with the rest of the mush.
and i really. really. really. cant wait till tomorrow is over.